A Femivore's Future

In two recent conversations I've had with women I consider my elders- people who've been around the block, seen it all, a common theme is emerging. It usually begins with the benign question- So how about you and you're future? What is next, post grad school? This question would have been all well and good a few years ago, when the footloose young twenty-something version of myself would answer confidently- career- of course.

However, something recently has changed. There's a softer edge in my voice. Perhaps it's all of this writing and thinking I've done about how the personal is political, how the individual choices that we make in our lives can affect change as in the case with activism or advocacy. Perhaps it's hormones, growing older, the awareness that at some point I may have to decide if children and family are in my future.

In one of the conversations, my friend was sure that the first wave feminist ideal that women can do everything, be super-moms, have amazing careers and be mothers too- was baloney. She was convinced that her generation had attempted to make that dream a reality and they had ended up with careers that fell short of glass ceilings, and children that had learning disabilities and resented their parents for not spending enough time with them. I've since heard this sentiment echoed from other women of the same generation.

I feel this question is my femivores dilemma. To be a feminist and a food activist. To be someone who truly values the assets the women bring into the world as mothers and home-makers, and who craves to embody many of those qualities. And on the other hand to be someone who has climbed the ladder high enough to know I can affect real change in the world if I'm willing to lend the cause my time.

I've decided that there should be a fourth place in this debate- not pigeon holing women into categories: (those who play traditional feminine roles, those who choose career, or those who attempt career and children) by creating new opportunities instead of forcing women to choose between several flawed paradigms. What about changing the expectations for women who choose to have kids, like honoring child rearing as a skill building activity- not hole in their resume? What about creating the social agreement that co-parenting should be the norm? What about a social safety net that supports working families? We have to reverse the rhetoric, the pressure that's put on women that have to 'choose' between one sad choice and the next.

In short, I didn't have, nor do I have an answer to their question. I do believe however, that my generation will create the answer.